#2 Why I Couldn’t Go Back 

Is this a dream or a nightmare?

I thought it would be all over if I made you the emperor and died.

Why are you back to ten years old in front of me?

“Jade…?”

The place where I opened my eyes was a familiar room. My room as a child with a nostalgic scent, the canopy with a frill, and the gold leaf-patterned wall map remained in my memory.

And there, little Jade was sitting on the bedside chair looking down at me.

He had neat black hair and glowing purple eyes. He looked like a 10-year-old.

I lifted myself up frantically and looked at my hands and body. As expected, it was small.

Don’t tell me this is…? This familiar feeling is…

“Hey, can you give me a mirror?”

At my words, Jade lifted himself up and took out the mirror in the drawer and handed it to me.

In the mirror, I was a 10-year-old with creamy curly hair and golden shining eyes. My eyes widened.

“…Oh, my God.”

I’m sure I did my part and died, but why did I come back?

Suddenly, I became afraid that I might have been trapped in this time.

As I look in the mirror in bewilderment, Jade hands me a cup of cold water on the table. In a natural act, I took the water and drank it.

First of all, let’s calm down. It’s not the first time this has happened.

“But why are you here?”

Did you wait for me to wake up? But since when has Jade and I become this close?

Even after my question, Jade just stared at me without saying a word. His mysterious eyes were only looking at me.

“How long have you been waiting?”

How long has Jade been watching me sleep?

“…For a long time.”

“Then why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I’ve been waiting for a long time.”

Jade’s reaction was somewhat strange. Has he always been this calm and eloquent?

As far as I can remember, the ten-year-old was a passive child who was hurt after being kicked out of the palace. I think he used to swallow his mumbling words in front of me because he was careful when talking.

No? It was so long ago that my memory’s blurry. Furthermore, I’m in a state of confusion right now.

“Jade, I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling well today. I can’t play with you.”

Jade, who’s 10, craved affection like a child of his age. He wanted to play with me, get close to me, and it was cute when he tried very hard to make friends.

Maybe he came because he wanted to hang out with me again today.

But now I need time to think.

“…Take a rest.”

Contrary to my expectations, Jade obediently left the room. He didn’t have a pathetic look to push himself away or asked me to play with him.

Uh… Was it always like this? Was Jade a precocious child more than I remember?

Did I remember Jade’s childhood as such a cute little boy?

Looking at Jade’s exit, I rose to my feet and waved the bedside bell. Soon, Sophia, the maid, opened the door and came in.

“Yes miss, are you awake?”

“Sophia, what’s the date today?”

“Today is June 14th.”

“What year?”

“It’s the 519th year of the Empire.”

I’m back to the age of 10.

The time Jade came to our mansion was a cold winter day in January. 5 months have passed since then.

“Give me paper and a pen.”

“Yes.”

I sat down at the desk with the paper and pen that Sophia brought me.

Now, let’s get this straight.

First of all, I failed to get back to reality.

I certainly heard someone talking to me when I was possessed in the novel. No, more than hearing it, just a sentence being engraved in my mind.

– If the content of the novel goes as it’s originally supposed to go, you can return to reality.

It was as if someone had given me a guideline that I could return to reality only when I played the role of Viche Amelia. And a few lines of explanation that come to mind.

– It was the end of the extra, Viche Amelia. 

So as long as I die as the original, I thought everything would be solved.

But the result is this state.

Presumably, life before regression must have gone awry. Damn it.

At this point, I need to organize the original work.

The original title is “The Saint Who Educated The Tyrant”.

Jade was a child abandoned by the imperial family who killed his father and became the emperor. In the original, Jade lacked humanity.

Disillusioned with the emperor who abandoned him and the forces that tried to take advantage of him somehow, this person, Viche Amelia, was the only one who gave him affection.

When she died, he became mad. He waged random wars and killed his enemies with the power of magic flowing through the blood of the imperial family.

For generations, however, the magical powers of the imperial family have been passed along with the curse.

The curse is a terrible madness.

Only slaughter could relieve the madness.

He was going crazy. But he didn’t have to, nor he couldn’t stop his madness.

Because as the war continued, the country grew bigger.

Then, he, who thought he was the only one who destroyed himself, met the female lead.

Cecilia, she was a saint who could lift the imperial curse.

Well, isn’t it obvious after that? They must have had a good life.

“Hmm…”

An unspoken sound came out of my mouth.

No matter how many times I think about it, I died according to the story.

I’m so frustrated that I don’t know what happened after I died. There must be a problem, but…  Why on earth did the original fail?

What am I going to do if I know why? Did I write this novel? Someone might think I’m a director, not an extra.

So I just plucked my hair until sunset, and found no clue.

~♡~

And the next day, the day after, the day after, the week after, I was still the same.

“Viche, drink the milk too.”

“Oh, yeah.”

Even casually enjoying a picnic with young Jade.

“I will never forget this beautiful garden when I return to reality.”

I think I thought of that before I went back, why? I’m hanging out in this rose garden again. Why do you like the taste of snacks lying down under the warm spring sun?

In fact, by this point, I’d say I have half given up.

“Come on, wipe your mouth.”

Jade held out a handkerchief to me.

I glanced at the handkerchief and swung my hands from side to side.

Why waste your precious handkerchief?

Jade, who was looking at me like that, smiled and wiped the bread crumbs around my mouth with his hands. It was not a childlike touch.

“Do you want some cookies?”

Jade asked gently.

Why would you ask me that? I opened my mouth instead of answering, and Jade split the cookies into edible pieces and put them in my mouth.

Over the past few days, Jade has visited me every day. Then he took care of me like this and served me very well…

There were two reasons not to push Jade away like I did before my regression.

First, I’ve already experienced it once that it’s no use pushing away.

Second, it was because Jade, a 10-year-old who I’ve met again, was so cute.

Yeah. Actually, it was just because he was cute.

However, it’s not that I didn’t think it was okay to call a child and a prince like this. But Jade seemed to be enjoying this.

Is it good that I play with you?

“Don’t you feel bad when I do this?”

At the moment, I wondered if Anne was so happy that she claimed to be my subordinate.

“No.”

Why are you being so nice again? It makes me feel guilty.

Still, he’s a tyrant in the future, and you’re so… hmm?

Oh, wait a minute.

My body, which had been lying down, sprang up. My eyes are on Jade.

At the moment, I had a very creepy thought.

‘Can a child become a tyrant and be this nice?’

Come to think of it, Jade was too kind and nice. In the original book, it said he lacked humanity, but is it because I’m the only one who gave him affection?

I looked at Jade with my eyes narrowed.

Why does Jade enjoy serving me?

Oh, my God, now I know!

I must have raised Jade too nicely in my previous life! Maybe that’s why he failed to blacken out?

Looking at Jade pouring milk into my glass in front of me, my hypothesis gained more strength.

“Do you want lunch in your room?”

…I ruined you. Why do you even take care of my meal?

I raised my hand and swept my face.

Maybe it’s just a one-line explanation to die. It’s my job to raise Jade to become a tyrant and make it flow according to the original.

‘If this happens, I’ll raise you hard in this life.’

I made up my mind.

~♡~

Determining to corrupt Jade, I decided to conduct a brief experiment the next day.

That is: what will upset the innocent Jade.

While reflecting, I didn’t remember seeing him angry before the return, not to mention after the return.

This was the suspicious part of a good child’s disease. Is little Jade reading in the room without me knowing?

I walked vigorously down the hall to Jade’s room.

“Jade!”

When I opened the door, I met eyes with him, who was standing by the window and arranging the collar of his shirt.

Come to think of it, I opened the door without knocking. No matter how young I am, I was rude.

“Viche.”

Jade’s hair scattered down on his tilted head. Under his flowing hair, his purple eyes glistened beautifully with joy.

“Let’s play!”

I entered the room before Jade granted me permission. I don’t mean to correct any rudeness.

I then slowly looked around his room.

‘It’s been a while since I’ve been here.’

Jade’s room was surrounded by blue wallpaper as a whole like a boy’s room, but it was dark and it didn’t feel bright. Moreover, it was neat and tidy, unlike a child’s room. Toys and books aren’t sprawled everywhere.

‘My room is worse than his.’

Still, while looking at the wooden dolls and model ships filled on the wall cabinets, I thought that a child is a child.

Is that some kind of world-class X-bot?

I approached the thing on the cabinet.

It reminded me of a robot in the real world, with its arms and legs moving separately and it’s painted in colorful colors.

I raised the doll’s arm with my finger and lowered it. The doll’s arm moved with a squeak.

“Do you like this doll?”

“…You like it, don’t you?

Oh, you’re saying that’s right.

I snuck around behind Jade’s back.

Crash-

The doll in the cabinet crashed to the floor. However, even though it was loud, the doll was quite strong so it was fine.

Step! Step!

I stepped on the doll while pretending to pick it up.

The doll rolled while making noises, and the limbs separated.

“Oh my God, it’s smashed. Don’t you care about it a lot?”

“…”

For a moment, I wondered if it was too much for the child. There was quite a long silence between Jade and I as he looked at me without saying a word.

‘Why aren’t you talking?’

Are you the type to lose your temper? No, you’re not even mad, are you?

“Are you mad?”

“That…”

“Huh?”

What are you going to do? You can’t save it. Is it a limited edition? What can he say?

“It’s yours.”

“Huh?”

‘It’s yours. It’s yours. It’s yours.’

Those words kept running wild in my head.

A memory then crossed my mind.

Not long ago, I looked at the toys in the corner of my room and said, ‘What am I going to do because I have these childish things?’ and gave Jade everything.

This must have been one of them, stomped under my feet. No wonder it looked so familiar.

I didn’t recognize the toy that was rolling around in a mess because it was in the cabinet and it had a nice color.

“Uh… Hmm. Yes.”

I coughed and searched for the next scapegoat.

I was thinking hard about what to drop while looking at the cabinet. Ugh, I don’t know. I decided to throw it all away.

Toss, toss, toss. Crunch. 

I threw toys, ornaments and everything that looked good. Can’t 10-year-olds throw some toys and play?

Throwing one by one relieved my stress. It felt strangely good. It added elasticity.

I forgot my purpose and was really playing like a child. While throwing, I glanced at Jade’s expression, but there was no response.

Is it because you didn’t care? Or because you’re so shocked?

As the cabinet slowly became empty, I noticed a model ship made of crystal and silver that had been left there because it was so big. I grabbed it with both hands without thinking.

At that moment, a strong grip stopped my arm.

“Oops.”

When I looked next at him in surprise, Jade crumpled his forehead gently and held my arm. Even as a child, he seemed to be a man, so my arm hurt quite a bit.

“Oh, was this your favorite?”

When I found out Jade’s taste was such a luxurious luxury, I thought I couldn’t fool the pedigree either.

Come to think of it, I think there are some jewels in the eastern pattern.

Jade opened his mouth, took the model boat out of my hand, and put it back on the cabinet.

“Viche, you’ll get hurt. “

…Huh? I mean, it’s a crystal, so you’re afraid that I’ll get hurt if it breaks.

I was moved for a moment. And with that ending, Jade began to pick up the ornaments that had fallen on the floor.

…Oh my God. Why is there an angel here?

What can I do in this situation? We just have to pick it up quietly together.

~♡~

In fact, there were quite a few restrictions on upsetting a 10-year-old. If you’re an adult, you’ll get a reaction if you slap me in the face and curse at me.

But, if I told a 10-year-old,

“Your mother is a *****.”

Oh, okay. Let’s not. It’s almost inhumane to swear at Jade about his mother. Don’t even think about it.

Still, I’ve tried a lot of things.

One day I ate all of Jade’s snacks that he was enjoying. He just watched me quietly and then left the room.

Was he angry?

No, he brought me more. He even kindly added that I should eat slowly.

Well, this is funny.

Then I sprayed dirt on him as if it was a mistake.

In fact, when I saw Jade covered in dirt at that time, I felt sorry for him. He pushed me away as I approached him to pick up the pieces with a bit of regret.

Oh, I thought he was angry that time.

At this point, Jade’s aptitude should be acknowledged as a priest, not a tyrant.

And today.

I’m giving it my last shot.

‘One… Two… Three!’

Hwak!

I poured a bucket of water on Jade, who was walking down the hall. He hardened on the spot as he was bathed in water.

His black hair and white shirt were soaked with water droplets dripping.

I opened my eyes proudly with my hands on my waist.

“I did it on purpose.”

Come on, you’re going to get mad. How could you not be mad at me like this!

“Oh.”

Jade was speechless after saying a dull word, ‘oh’. Then he silently began to shake the water off his head and body.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, that’s it?

I was in a state of anger at the sight.

“Hey!”

I screamed at Jade and ran to catch him. At the moment, his eyes were dilating as he was slightly startled.

Jade, who had been pushed back by too much power, hit the hallway wall.

‘Uh… It doesn’t have to be this powerful.’

But I already spilled the water, so I clenched Jade’s shirt with my hands and shook it back and forth.

“You! You! Why! Why!”

Why can’t I speak properly? I took a short breath, and opened my mouth again.

“Why aren’t you angry?!”

The moment I shouted, Jade’s eyebrows knitted with the brow.

“Do you want me to be mad at you?”

“People get mad, right? That’s the way to live!”

You’re supposed to be angry, you’ll start a war, you’ll kill lieutenants and stuff!

Jade stared at me and smiled.

…After all, it’s a smile again?

Then I took my hands off, which was still shaking. Jade glanced at my hand that had been removed.

I pulled my hand out of the awkward situation for some reason.

“Viche.”

But my hand didn’t come out, rather, he held it tighter .

“I’m not mad at you.”

“What? Why?”

“Never.”

Isn’t it a strange way of saying that? What? Don’t you get mad? Is this the innocence of a child?

“…Except for one reason.”

“What is it?”

I was very curious about Jade’s comment.

Soon, Jade smiled while letting go of my hand.

“It’s a secret.”

Jade’s hand snapped over the top of my head, falling off. I felt a soft touch moving from side to side.

‘Did you just stroke my head?’

I was dumbfounded for a moment.

He walked past me in the gap and down the hall. I just looked at his back, dazed away from the sight.

What’s going on?

“…It’s useless.”

Having lived 37 years combined with reality and past life, I was just petted by a 10-year-old.

I think he saw the childish actions I’ve tried to do to provoke his anger.

Ha.

Anyways, the bottom line is that I’m in a position to be patted by Jade.

Jade was not a fool. I’m a fool, and Jade is just nice.

It was natural to know adult Jade because he was smart, but I didn’t know that there was a sense of dignity already.

I guess there’s a lot I don’t know about little Jade.

His actions shocked me, and I had a moment of reflection with shame over my past actions.

~♡~

“Jade!”

The next day I met Jade again in the study of the mansion.

He read books whenever he had time. I wonder if there was anyone who wouldn’t let me read in the palace.

“Viche.”

Jade, who’s sitting on the window frame at my call, smiled like a flower.

What kind of deadly smile does a ten-year-old have? It’s an amazing sight every time.

The sun was shining behind him, but Jade’s cute face was shining even more, overshadowing the sun.

There’s no such thing as an angel with wings.

I approached Jade while waving my hands. My Ivory dress flowed along my steps.

“What are you reading?”

What will he read at this time of year? Maybe a fairy tale or something?

Jade showed me the book in his hand instead of answering.

“The Little Mermaid?”

The Little Mermaid.

It’s worth remembering the Little Mermaid of this world. The mermaid prince, a herbivorous man who used to eat seaweed in the sea, gets an exchange for beauty from the octopus witch, as opposed to the human princess.

From here on out, what would happen to the mermaid prince who has no home and no beauty?

Ding ding ding.

He ends up dying instead of saving the princess from a crisis. In my view, this is not even true love. It’s just a cruel death!

“I’m reading this.”

I slumped in front of Jade and shook my head. The story of the mermaid’s desperate love was not my cup of tea.

Furthermore, it was not the time to have Jade read this devoted story.

“Don’t look at it! Wait.”

I took the book from Jade’s hand and threw it on the desk. A special and thrown book fell pitifully, showing a sheet of paper.

Regardless of the appearance, I jumped to my feet. Then I ran straight to the bookshelf and scanned all the books I was hooked on.

《Happiness Begins With Small Things》

No, not that.

《The Prince》

Okay.

《The good Will Prevail》

Let’s put this one back.

《The devilish boss gets promoted fast》

Well, it’s okay.

《Politics of Fear》

Oh, this is it.

《The Day of the Serial Killer》

Um… Should I pack this? All right. Let’s take it.

Just take everything that looks bad!

I scraped together the sort of books that would be the nourishment of a tyrant. Some of them were thriller novels featuring bloody killers, but this also seemed to help.

With my small body, I took a pile of books up to Jade’s chin.

“Hyuk… now! Read these from today.”

My arm almost collapsed. I put the books down and Jade looked at them lying on the floor.

“Prince, terror, murder, politics, egoism…”

Jade glimpsed the visible titles. It’s too blatant to put together.

“I don’t think these are books for a ten-year-old.”

Jade smiled softly and picked up one of the sprawling books. The book he picked up…

It was “The Lord of the Blood”.

Well, is it too hard for a kid?

I’ve never felt a difference in the level or a lack of communication since Jade was young these days.

It was as comfortable as being with my age. His precocious appearance must have made me think of him as 20-year-old Jade.

“Oh, if it’s too hard, let’s read it later when we get older! I’ll get another book!”

“No, I like it.”

“Really?”

This kid like these dark kinds of books?

“…Well, who gave it to me?”

Jade’s purple eyes, still sitting on the window frame, looked up at me, showing no warmth.

The appearance raised a little question.

Why does Jade like me so much? Well… I am his only friend who’s like family, so it’s natural. He’s like a baby duck following me around these days.

No, is it the other way around? Jade seems to know me as a more childish, caring being than he does.

Suddenly, I thought Jade must have liked me this much at this age in his previous life.

It must have hurt the time I pushed him away, but it’s still nice to see him grow up.

What a nice guy.

As expected, let’s do our best in this life and make sure to live our lives to the fullest.

Isn’t parenting supposed to be about coming and raising them to go out and rebel?

It’s going to grow into a mess! Do whatever you want! Don’t hide your feelings! Don’t be mad at me!

Jade was flipping back and forth through the books I gave him. In a picture-like scene, I sat in the chair in front of him and looked at him blankly.

Jade’s hair is fluttering from the wind, his gaze is still, and his breathing is soft.

How can such a calm and decent child become a tyrant?

“What do you think? Do you think it’ll be fun?”

“Yes.”

“Then, shall we do some reading?”

“By the way, Viche. It’s time for me to have a sword lesson.”

Maybe it’s time for that already. Jade is too sincere anyway.

But I didn’t care what Jade said and buried my butt deep in my seat. It was a state of unity because it could not get close to the chair.

“Jade, you’re welcome to skip class.”

“Huh?”

Jade tilted his head as if what I said was real.

Wrong. Wrong. Don’t you understand?

There’s nothing like a bad friend to put a child in a bad way.

Jade has only me as a friend, so I am willing to be a bad influence.

“You’re not going to be in big trouble if you don’t go to sword lessons for a day. Let’s just eat some delicious snacks and read a book here.”

I used my ten-year-old face as a weapon to plead. A little bit, I thought it was a shame, but Jade would have worked because I was so overwhelmed by what I said. Moreover, am I not ten years old? I’m pretty cute back then.

“…Lady?”

But then, the voice from behind hardened my body.

As I turned my squeaky head and looked at the door of the study, Butler Louis looked at me with a puzzled look on his face.

“…Louis?”

Louis was always impressive as a butler of our Amelia family, dressed in a crease-free black tail suit with gray hair.

His face looked like he was in his 40s, but his hair is gray, so is he a young grandfather? I thought so, but he said it was stress-counting. Then I could see that Amelia’s work was not easy.

“What are you doing? Are you urging Jade not to go to class?”

“Huh? Huh?”

I panicked like a child caught doing something bad. No, it’s a bad thing. That’s exactly what I was doing.

I was embarrassed and words popped out.

“Oh, it’s hot today, so…”

“It’s a very cool day.”

“Reading is as important as swordsmanship…?”

“You’ll have plenty of time, right?”

“It’s reading time for me now.”

“Isn’t it time for your embroidery class?”

Louis’ defense was solid. As my body gets smaller, my spirit feels smaller. Louis crushed the spirit. I don’t think I’ll stand a chance if I do this more…

At a glance, I looked at Jade and met his eyes as he was still watching the situation. He looked at me and Louis with a smile as if we were cute.

Jade then opened his mouth as he watched my sweaty situation.

“It looks like Viche wanted to play with me.”

Jade pulled himself up by patting his clothes.

“Viche, play next time. I’m going to class today.”

Jade said soothingly to me. What is this feeling again? This strange feeling. That guy thinks he’s my brother.

“Louis, please take these books to my room.”

Jade didn’t forget to take the books I brought him and left, giving me an eye greeting.

Louis and I were the only ones left in the room and I rolled my eyes and slid my butt off the chair.

Louis’s gaze fell on me with a scratching sound of a chair.

“Lady Viche?”

“Huh, huh?”

“Are you going to class?”

His smile was somewhat creepy. Louis is such a scary person. Looking at his height, he was too tall.

Especially these days, I was branded as a naughty girl who didn’t listen to Louis because I skipped classes and went outside whenever I had time.

“…Let’s go.”

The agony didn’t last too long because Louis was a little scared now.

I’ll rebel.